im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
