This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
