So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
