my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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