i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
