i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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