now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
