DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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