My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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