My room smells like vodka and shame
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize