My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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