In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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