New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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