he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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