How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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