I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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