oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
