I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
