I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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