he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
