It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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