he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
