please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
