tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
