first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize