Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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