The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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