dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
