I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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