i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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