It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
