he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
