Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
