woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
