I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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