She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
