Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
