You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize