did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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