he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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