My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
