the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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