He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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