if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you made out with another girl for some wings
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
