I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
