All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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