It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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