Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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