Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm always down for nudity.
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