my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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