No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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