Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
