I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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