I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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