I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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