I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
