I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
