dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Let's get the cat blown out
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize