Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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