I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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