either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
