You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
