Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
