don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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