If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
