p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
