There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
