I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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