This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
