Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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