Your tits are I can't wait for
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
