Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
