I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
