i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
