woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
